The quote above struck something deep inside me. You see, I struggled most of my adult life with appearance, shame, guilt, depression, anxiety, fear, and rejection.
I was so caught up in hiding my true identity and so focused on not letting anyone see behind the "mask" I created for my life that I lost so many years of just being me, simply me!
Simply, I was so embarrassed and ashamed of the way I felt most of the time. I didn't have the tools and, unfortunately, the resources to dig deep into my mental state. I knew I needed help, but to ask for help was admitting something was wrong with myself. So, I spent many years covering, tamping down, and masking emotions just to continue marching on in life.
From a small child, I was taught to "put up and shut up". Not allowed to express emotion or give a opinion. Not taught how to communicate effectively but learned how to avoid conflict at all costs. Trust no one! To be seen but not heard and to constantly walk on eggshells. So I would disappear into myself and into the woods where I could soothe my soul somewhat and find solace in Mother Nature.
Why?
Mostly because I had three very young children at home at the time, and they were my first priority. I had to keep my shit together for them and try to give them the most stable environment possible. They truly pulled me out of some dark places, and keeping on grinding and having faith will get me through the hard moments.
It wasn't truly until two years ago, sitting on an incredible beach holiday with my hubby, in a state of deep depression and anxiety, that something beautiful burst forth and I decided to give myself the love I needed the most. Healing myself!
I am on a Journey of Healing...
Childhood generational trauma and traumatic events.
Learning to forgive myself for my past mistakes.
Learning not to be ashamed of my past mistakes.
Learning to love myself all over again.
Learning it's OK to say no.
Taking care of myself is number one.
Taking responsibility for my past actions.
Being mindful of negative self talk.
Learning to ask for help.
Practice gratitude daily
I am becoming the woman I want to be, living a simple, slow, peaceful life in the country. Learning to slow down, recharge, and reenergize as often as I can. Taking time-outs for self-care and practicing gratitude. Passing on the knowledge I have gained through my experiences, both good and bad, with grace and kindness.
I found that little girl deep inside me again, who loved to run wild and free. To feel the earth beneath her feet, the sun and wind kiss her skin. And above all, just be happy and simply let go of the heavy stuff.
This brought tears to my eyes as I read it. A story that I resonate with deeply- and a message that needs to be heard and understood by all women. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻